Many problems in my life need to be settled now...
Sometimes, I really feel tired with my life. I usually feel low spirit in the morning for some reasons.
I feel like this world is very sad and lonely. Few days ago, I couldn't even sleep thinking about my father's action. I kept thinking "Why does he do this to my mom and my family?". Seeing other have good father make me wish to have one. I want a father that willings to protect me but too bad this will be always stay as a dream. I have told myself not to care about him for countless time and what he does is not my business but this is really something very difficult to do. I will feel burning heart everytime I see him treat his godson/goddaughter goodly. It's not like I want him to torture them but just please treat me equally too. Well, I don't demand for something that can't be achieved but it's hard to control my feeling though. Actually, I have already used to this. I'm 17 now and I thought I can overcome this but it's just like when you get older, the hatred gets stronger too. Oh, crap! I'm not going to say this anymore...
The second problem is I can't decide on which college is the best for me and I should go to!!! Actually, I still have plenty of time to think since I have chosen to start my college life in March but my mother is sort of forcing me to decide now because they will give RM300 discount for registration in this month. I still have few days left to make my decision!
The third problem! I've lost my trial result paper. I heard they will gonna to use this for registration. Haiz, I feel headache now....Guess I don't have choice now but call to the receptionist and ask for help.
Fifth, this is something really stupid! The inner side of me created this problem for me. Guess what? I'm afraid of ageing! I never thought I would concern about this because I used to confort many girls not to worry about ageing but now I've become just like them! I'm really afraid of reaching 40. Not only myself but my idols such as Lam Fung and Teppei! Yes, maybe it's still too early for me to think because Lam Fung is just 30 and Teppei is still young. But....I'm watching Lam Fung to grow year by year. I started to like him when he was just 21 and with a blink of eyes, he is already 30. Wow, I'm afraid to blink my eyes for the second time. Somehow, I think myself is a weird guy. A really weird guy. This problem wasn't a problem for me but why, now, it becomes a problem for me? I know this is the process of so called LIFE. Someone will be born and has to face illness and then death. Actually, I've thought an answer for why am I afraid of reaching 40...
I think it's just because I've used Teppei and Lam Fung to replace my father's position and they do give me happiness more than father does. So, I just don't want their lovely and cutie smile to fade away as human will full of lines on their face at 40. LOL...although I know this answer is very lame but I can't think of any other than this. Since I can't change anything so I think I just have to live with no regret and do something that I can do while we are still young!
LOL~ Yeah, my next goal is go to Japan and meet Teppei Koike!
3 comments:
[its me,shin..i think id better tell u coz some last times..u seemed not to know..lolz..]
ive read all of the entry..
humh..
I think every one suffers his own problems.
for eg,ive been thinking: what do i live for?? am i useful or just a bunch of trash?
But, u know, its just an unanswerabale question..
about your father..
my family isnt like urs..so i think my advice just partly helps..
your father..according to you.. doesnt care bout ur family..just thinking about his godchilrden?
plz think deeply..
has he ever made u smile?
has he ever huggeg u??
has he ever cared bout u when u caught a desease??
To you,has u ever told him u loved him?
Has u ever told him that u think he doesn’t care about his family?
I think members in a family need to be straight with each other..
And nothing can be understood if silence just goes on.
Humh..just wanna tell u a story about my friend..
She thinks her mother just cares about her younger sister n brother when her mother can hug them but her any time..
She once cried n told me that her mother called her useless n that she shoulnt have born my friend. Isnt that terrible?
But any way, after calming down, she tells me that parents always love their children, but the point is how they do it..
I dunno whether its right in your situation..
About ages, humh.
Time passes, youth n beauty leave us step by step.
I agree that beauty should exist through the time.
But somehow, I think that beauties never fide is terrible.
Humh..
Just my idea..
ages helps ppl grow up..the older u r,the wiser u get.
Teppei n Lamfung may replace ur father,somehow.
But I think that they get older is not a bad idea.
It’s the rule of life that ppl r born, grow up n then die.
Nobody can live 4ever [unless they r monsters..lolz..]
and think about the advantages u have when u get older: independence about money, control ur own life, etc [1 more thing, if u r just a kid, who will let u go to japan seeing Teppei? xD]
everything just has two sides,u know.
Okay, about colleges, cheese! actually I have no idea about it!!! =p
I think choosing one thoroughly is important [sure!!]
But dun make it so serious, compare the two colleges carefully, are there any bad things of them? And then draw a conclusion ^^
Perhaps im just a talker,but I just wanna let u know what I think =p
I don't want to talk further about my dad because it's a very long story. Let it be...
And about ageing, Hahaha...I hope teppei is same age with me...xD I really like him and shoot....hahaah I've Celebrity Worship Syndrom!
Thanks to Melanie for finding the source! LOL!
haha!!
read them!!
celeb worship syndrom?? xD
seems so kute!!!!!
how about choosing college?
what did u choose? xD
ahh.. about the link about shinchan u gave..
thank u very much again ^^
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